In July of 2012 my life hit a pretty significant speed bump. I was living in a not-so-great situation and I decided to move out and in with my best friend Sara. Something in my brain wasn't able to grasp the reality of the situation that I was in; although, when I look back on it, it seems to make total sense (and I want to kick myself for being so incredibly unaware). Just two days after moving into our cute little apartment and settling in, I found myself single, in shock and totally underwater.
I stopped eating.
I ate nothing for a week except for the zucchini bread that my then ex's mother (ironic, huh?) had made for me the day before all of this happened. Let's face it, it's hard to lose your appetite for zucchini bread. :)
Looking back on this, I guess it was just the one area of my life where I could have control. It was summer. I was working full time at one job and part time at another, I had just moved about 20 minutes from my family to a new town where I didn't know many people. At one point, this was an exciting adventure for me to go on, but now? It was a scary world of uncertainty.
I tried to eat Mac n' Cheese…
I tried to eat a turtle sundae…
I tried to go out for my 22nd birthday…
And when I finally did, I was an embarrassing blubbering mess at the counter. {with the absolute BEST friends in the world taking care of me the entire time}
Slowly but surely, with the help of my family and friends, I was able to get myself together and start eating again. I was going to the gym and to Bikram Yoga pretty regularly at this point--mostly for stress relief--and by the end of August, I had lost about 13 pounds.
And it was not lost in a good way.
But I needed new pants. With no money to spare, I turned to my always skinnier best friend and room mate for help. She ALWAYS hated me wearing her clothes ((is it too late to apologize??)) but I always did anyways. In a way, I think that being able to pull off ((or somewhat pull off)) one of her shirts or dresses made me feel skinnier. I am SURE that was not the case, but Sara never once asked me not to wear something because I would "stretch it out"or because it wouldn't fit me. She never made me feel self-conscious and she always played along with my--"I think I lost weight!"and "Do I look thin in this??" and for that, I will always be thankful.
I will also always be thankful for these grey pants. When I put them on, they fit me perfectly, maybe a little short on me, but nonetheless they were much better than my pants that were falling off and leaving me looking frumpy at the office!
They were too big on her so she let me keep them.
1.5 years and an unbelievable series of events later, ((seriously, its a whole other story for another day)) the pants no longer fit. I was happy again, so controlling what I was eating was no longer an issue. I was in grad school full time, working full time, waitressing part time, and tutoring on the side. Yes, as you can imagine, I had very little time to pay attention to the food I was putting in my body. This resulted in many bagels, lots of pasta, and too many baked good in the office.
And the pants wouldn't button.
Well, in a weird and wonderful way, my life has just been becoming progressively more wonderful as time has gone on. God has blessed me in so many incredible ways and one of them has been giving me the tools to allow me to let go of my anxiety and the need to be able to control some part of my life. I have finally let him take control of where I am going and what I am doing and it has made an incredible difference.
So I'll give you the long story short version of what I did next…
1. Got back together with my boyfriend and moved to AZ
2. Started a couple of new jobs
3. Started working out at home and focusing on nutrition
4. Finally settled into a teaching job
5. Decided to become a coach and help others work out at home and focus on nutrition
6. Lost 20 pounds
7. Pants fit
8. Tightened and toned up my body
And now??? The pants are too big! I can definitely still wear them, but they are getting bigger and bigger each time I put them on.
These pants were a gift to help me in the darkest moments of my young life so far, and now I am almost able to leave them behind. I am moving forward and building a life that I truly love. I am happy, healthy, and so much more fulfilled than I have ever been in my life. ((Despite that messy bathroom counter!!))
Thank you, grey Express dress pants, for reminding me of where I came from, but it's almost time to move on!
Love and Light,
Leah
