Can't That Girl Just Sit Still?

I'm pretty sure that the answer to that question is a resounding NO.

So what exactly am I up to right now? Let me give you a brief overview of the past month and a to-do list for the next couple!

May:
Finishing up school at GLAAZ
Packing apartment
Selling furniture
Driving CROSS-COUNTRY from Phoenix to Fort Lauderdale with my mom

June:
Arrive finally in Coconut Creek, FL (my new home)
Temporarily move in with Joe's brother
Begin job training at new incredibly awesome job
Fly home to Buffalo, NY
Bridal Shower
Bachelorette Party
(Back to being in a long distance relationship)
Move in with sister's fam for 5 weeks
Begin teacher summer camps in WNY
Complete new teacher reading for new job

July:
Finish teaching summer camps
Bachelorette #2
GET MARRIED
Fly back to Florida
Honeymoon in Puerto Rico!!!

August:
Return from honeymoon
Begin new teacher training
Begin all teacher training
School starts!
(Hopefully move into an affordable apartment??)

P.s. all the while, I will be continuing my personal health & fitness journey AND continuing to run my home business all the way.

Oh! AND I have about 15 novels to read before the school year starts! :)

Wish me luck!

Love & Light,
Leah

New Horizons

SO MUCH has happened in the past couple of months.

In July, Joe popped the question and I {of course} said yes! It was an incredible weekend and I came home to basically float into my new position at an all girls high school. {That feeling of finally having what you've always wanted? It's intoxicating.}

With a new shiny ring on my finger and dreams of classroom libraries in my head, I finally headed into my dream job. The school I now find myself in daily offers me the opportunity to be the kind of teacher I had always hoped to become.

And I often find myself stepping back and viewing the "new horizon" of my life.

So much has changed since the last time I posted in this blog. I left a job that I thought I would love when I realized that it was no longer serving me. I planned on sticking it out, but some personal circumstances forced me out of my comfort zone. That little push started a snowball effect in my life that I am still seeing and feeling today.

That was HUGE for me.

I'm not always the type of person to do what is best for me. Sometimes, I stay in situations because its easy or because I don't want to type of confrontation it sometimes takes to make those hard changes in your life, but I think I'm learning.

I came home on the last day of school last year and sat on my couch and cried. The year hadn't played out the way I expected. I wasn't teacher of the year, I didn't feel respected or appreciated, and even though I had proof that my students had learned a great deal over the course of the year, I felt inadequate and like I would never be good enough.

I was a first year teacher. I had no mentor in my school and I had no one to call when I hit this sort of teacher rock bottom. I buried it down and continued on with my summer, planning and deciding that next year would be better, that I would make it through.

& then my life was turned upside down. Through a series of life changes and a LONG trip back home to visit my family, it was clear that going back could no longer be an option.

Through a series of events that could have only been orchestrated by the big guy himself, I wound up with a business card that would eventually land me here, in the school I could have only imagined working in.

And then, I wound up saying YES to a man that makes me a better person each and every day.

There were SO many trials and tribulations along the way to where I find myself today and each one of those challenges pushed me to the limit. Sometimes, people are unreasonable. Sometimes, people let you down. Sometimes you realize that they way you've handled something was the wrong way to handle it.

But, EVERY DAY I can stare off into the horizon and laugh at the broken road that lead me to this amazing life. I am incredibly blessed and immeasurably grateful for the way that this summer played out.

Life continues to change and I continue to grow, but I know that every little thing is going to work itself out. <3

Love & Light,
Leah

5 things I kind of almost want to go back in time and do...

1. Not lose my digital camera with all of my pictures from high school graduation

Seriously. Where did it even go? I'm convinced it's buried deep in the sand on Crystal Beach somewhere. Maybe someday I'll find it washed up on the shore…okay no. It's gone, and thankfully so are all awkward pictures of me from graduation.

2. Learn how to curl my hair before the age of 24

I teach middle school.  Every student in my classes can curl their hair to absolute perfection and I'm still working on not burning my face with the curling iron. I rarely have time or energy in the morning to curl or even straighten my hair so I usually go the air dry route. In the meantime, I am surrounded by 13 year olds who look more put together than I do! WHEN did 8th graders learn to do their hair? I don't even think I used a blow drier in 8th grade. I blame it on social media.

3. Decorate the top of my cap for college graduation

Because this is really cute and I just wish I had done it. I could do it now, but it wouldn't be authentic. My college graduation was filled with super authentic fights with my family and naps in my best friend's bed while her mom packed up the rest of our stuff. I would say it was a pretty perfect day all around.

4. Not gain the freshman…20

Because they were really hard to lose again. But I learned a lot while doing it and the mac n' cheese at Cranston was TOTALLY worth it. Am I right?? Besides, I was a little bit chunky in the above picture, but I was in LONDON and life was absolutely beautiful!

5. Walk for my Masters Graduation

BUT I actually moved to Arizona before it happened and as much as I would love to have one of those sweet hood things, I really like Arizona and I couldn't take one more DAY of a long distance relationship.

I mean really, my life has been pretty incredible.

There might be some things that I see on social media and wish I had done, but I really don't think I would change any piece of my life. Who knows if it would have turned out the way it has? I am pretty thrilled with the way my life is going.

BUT the fact that every 8th grader's hair looks better than mine at work on a daily basis will never be okay.

Love & Light,
Leah

Not on a DIET

Can I just start off by saying...

I AM NOT ON A DIET.

I have a diet. I try to eat healthy. One more time, I TRY to eat healthy.

I do not walk around claiming to have stopped eating sugar or to have given up sweets and chocolate forever because for me, that would be unrealistic.

I do not make drastic changes in my daily diet because I believe that "dieting" is a waste of time and does more harm than good. I am not a health expert. I am not perfect. I am learning every single day. I am eating chocolate almost every single day.

So, please kindly stop talking to me about my "diet"
Stop shaming me for eating something that isn't "clean" or posting rude comments on my Instagram trying to "call me out" for not eating healthy 100% of the time.

I have made many changes in the way I eat. I eat healthy meals, I eat more protein and veggies than I used to and less carbs than I once did, but you better believe that on Sunday after church, I sometimes go to Einstein Brothers and get a bagel with cream cheese AND butter and eat every last bite.

Yes, I advocate a healthy lifestyle. I believe that part of eating a healthy lifestyle is enjoying food and not being ashamed of what you eat. There was a time when I used to hide the bad things I ate. There was a time when I ate granola bars for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The types of comments that I hear today and the same comments that I heard when I was 15 and had incredibly disordered eating.

So STOP. I can laugh it off, but there is someone in your life that won't be able to.
There is someone in your life who needs you to stop shaming them for what they are eating.

I'm so sorry if my real sugar caramel macchiato on Instagram is bothering you, but please, keep it to yourself.

The Saga of The Pants

Every pair of pants has a story to tell. These gray Express dress pants have been around for a while and they have a lot to say…

In July of 2012 my life hit a pretty significant speed bump. I was living in a not-so-great situation and I decided to move out and in with my best friend Sara. Something in my brain wasn't able to grasp the reality of the situation that I was in; although, when I look back on it, it seems to make total sense (and I want to kick myself for being so incredibly unaware). Just two days after moving into our cute little apartment and settling in, I found myself single, in shock and totally underwater.

I stopped eating.

I ate nothing for a week except for the zucchini bread that my then ex's mother (ironic, huh?) had made for me the day before all of this happened. Let's face it, it's hard to lose your appetite for zucchini bread. :)

Looking back on this, I guess it was just the one area of my life where I could have control. It was summer. I was working full time at one job and part time at another, I had just moved about 20 minutes from my family to a new town where I didn't know many people. At one point, this was an exciting adventure for me to go on, but now? It was a scary world of uncertainty.

I tried to eat Mac n' Cheese…

I tried to eat a turtle sundae…

I tried to go out for my 22nd birthday…

And when I finally did, I was an embarrassing blubbering mess at the counter. {with the absolute BEST friends in the world taking care of me the entire time}

Slowly but surely, with the help of my family and friends, I was able to get myself together and start eating again. I was going to the gym and to Bikram Yoga pretty regularly at this point--mostly for stress relief--and by the end of August, I had lost about 13 pounds. 

And it was not lost in a good way.

But I needed new pants. With no money to spare, I turned to my always skinnier best friend and room mate for help. She ALWAYS hated me wearing her clothes ((is it too late to apologize??)) but I always did anyways. In a way, I think that being able to pull off ((or somewhat pull off)) one of her shirts or dresses made me feel skinnier. I am SURE that was not the case, but Sara never once asked me not to wear something because I would "stretch it out"or because it wouldn't fit me. She never made me feel self-conscious and she always played along with my--"I think I lost weight!"and "Do I look thin in this??" and for that, I will always be thankful. 

I will also always be thankful for these grey pants. When I put them on, they fit me perfectly, maybe a little short on me, but nonetheless they were much better than my pants that were falling off and leaving me looking frumpy at the office! 

They were too big on her so she let me keep them.

1.5 years and an unbelievable series of events later, ((seriously, its a whole other story for another day)) the pants no longer fit. I was happy again, so controlling what I was eating was no longer an issue. I was in grad school full time, working full time, waitressing part time, and tutoring on the side. Yes, as you can imagine, I had very little time to pay attention to the food I was putting in my body. This resulted in many bagels, lots of pasta, and too many baked good in the office. 

And the pants wouldn't button.

Well, in a weird and wonderful way, my life has just been becoming progressively more wonderful as time has gone on. God has blessed me in so many incredible ways and one of them has been giving me the tools to allow me to let go of my anxiety and the need to be able to control some part of my life. I have finally let him take control of where I am going and what I am doing and it has made an incredible difference.

So I'll give you the long story short version of what I did next…

1. Got back together with my boyfriend and moved to AZ

2. Started a couple of new jobs

3. Started working out at home and focusing on nutrition

4. Finally settled into a teaching job

5. Decided to become a coach and help others work out at home and focus on nutrition

6. Lost 20 pounds

7. Pants fit

8. Tightened and toned up my body

And now??? The pants are too big! I can definitely still wear them, but they are getting bigger and bigger each time I put them on.

These pants were a gift to help me in the darkest moments of my young life so far, and now I am almost able to leave them behind. I am moving forward and building a life that I truly love. I am happy, healthy, and so much more fulfilled than I have ever been in my life. ((Despite that messy bathroom counter!!))

Thank you, grey Express dress pants, for reminding me of where I came from, but it's almost time to move on!

Love and Light,

Leah

Perfection is a Fallacy

As a middle school teacher, as a fitness coach, and as a human being, I would like to take the time to
interrupt your regularly scheduled programming (aka: scrolling your newsfeed) and let you know...

Perfection is a FALLACY.

You will never be perfect. I will never be perfect. But do you want to know what we can do? We can stop trying to be perfect. I see you over there posting photos of "plus size" models and starting a debate on how this is wrong. I hear you, at the party, talking about your diet as you shovel cupcakes into your mouth. I see you in the dressing room, frowning at yourself in the mirror.

And I want to tell you to STOP.
I want to ask you to STOP.

Stop putting yourself down. Stop taking time away from enjoyable things like shopping or cupcakes to complain about how you are not yet your idea of perfect.

Stop.
Smile.
Enjoy the beautiful world around you.

My pastor used to say, again and again, how we are made up of SIX HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN parts. Our bodies are a masterpiece. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and it's time that we take notice of that. Stop poking and prodding and pulling on your love handles. Stop looking in the mirror and wishing that you saw something different.

Of COURSE I approve of eating healthy and working out and working to be the happiest version of yourself, but something that I do not condone and will not tolerate is negative self talk.

I am nowhere near perfect, nor am I working on becoming perfect. I am choosing to take care of my body because I am able to and because I know that I am important, that I have a purpose. I've found my purpose in fitness and nutrition {MUCH to my surprise} and I want to live the part.

So please, go and look at yourself in the mirror and find something to celebrate. You are a miracle. You are beautiful...you are already perfect.

and it is TIME that you started to believe that.
You deserve it. 

Love and Light,
Leah

Anchor

When I was in school to become a teacher, I had to write what was called a "Teaching Philosophy". {{Click to read}}

This was a document that I worked on for a very long time. It
had to explain, in less than two pages, everything that my 21-year-old self believed about teaching. I had barely set foot inside of a classroom when I first wrote this document, but it has only gone through a couple of changes since then.

It's my anchor.

After a hard day or week or year in the classroom, I can look back at this document and remember what it is that I hoped I would become as a teacher. It anchors me to my beliefs and reminds me which areas I still need to work on. You see, this document was written with passion. It was written before I knew about classroom politics and before my world became filled with real students and IEP meetings and parents. I LOVE the real parts of my job. I love working with real people and I love the challenges that the real world of teaching presents, but when I feel a little unsure of where to go next or what I am missing day to day in my classroom, I can reach for the string and pull up the anchor.

Once I've pulled my anchor up, I can drift for a few minutes. I can dream of ideal classrooms filled with large libraries and personal computers for every student. I can dream of small class sizes and rainbows and unicorns. But when I drop that anchor back down, I am grounded. I can handle the workload in front of me because I remember what it is that I believe in and why it was that I entered this profession in the first place. I can realize that it is not all rainbows and butterflies, but I can also recognize that I once believed that it could be. With my anchor safely planted, I can remind myself of that original sparkle in my eye and I can make sure that it stays.

I teach to transform, I coach to transform, I live to transform.

I live to transform those around me and the world that I live in (and myself) into the best versions of themselves (myself) they (I) can be!

And that, my friends, is what makes life so incredible.

Love and Light,
Leah